Bleeding Romantics
by Dramaphile
Summary: Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance, we are much better suited for wild, kinky sex without any strings attached. NOTE: THIS STORY IS ESSENTIALLY ABANDONED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
1. Hopeless

**Bleeding Romantics and the Nymphomaniac Purebloods that Shag Them**

**By DramaPhile**

**Keywords:** Harry Draco Romance Humor Valentine's Day

**Rated:** R for some pretty slashy shagging

**Pairings:** Harry/Draco,

**Summary:** "Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance, we are much better suited for wild, kinky sex without any strings attached."

**Author's notes:** This little plot bunny popped into my head while I was driving around and talking to myself, and is the first comedy fic I've written in over a year, considering the other pieces I'm working on are rather heavy and depressing... Enjoy!

**Chapter 1: Hopeless.**

Valentine's Day was flourishing at Hogwarts in a sickening sort of way. Love was in the air and the entire Great Hall was coated with a sickly sweet residue of hearts and flowers and everyone's sweetheart was trying their damndest to be the most romantic in the whole school.

Except Draco Malfoy, that is. He was much more occupied with getting shagged by his favorite Gryffindor in the nearest broom closet.

Harry was pleased with the idea of taking a little romantic stroll around the Castle and was not taking the not so subtle hints from his overzealous boyfriend as to what their destination activity would be. Draco finally grabbed Harry's hand and tugged him down the corridor.

"Did you see what Ron got for Hermione?"

Draco rolled his eyes. Granger had been surprised this by an unexpected owl delivery from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes containing a tiny cupid charmed to flit about and shower her with compliments and rose petals wherever she went. She was delighted, of course, and gave Ron a huge kiss before running off to the library to look up what sort of spell was used to charm it, the cupid frantically flitting after her, raining rose petals on half of Gryffindor's breakfast.

"That Godawful thing? Only a Weasley could have found a gift as tacky and hideous as that." Draco thanked Merlin that he and Harry had decided to forgo the petty gift-exchange holiday this year.

Harry frowned.

"Really? I thought it was kind of-"

"Kind of what, Harry? Romantic? Were you going to say romantic?"

Harry avoided his eyes and blushed a little.

"Why Harry James Potter, you're a bleeding romantic, aren't you!"

"Am not!"

"Are too! Admit it! You want nothing more than for me to buy you silly gifts and write you love poems and hold your hand between classes and make tender, sweet love to you on a bed of rose petals with candles and chocolate strawberries like some kind of girl!" Suddenly Harry wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off of his boyfriend's pointy little face.

""I just don't think straight people should hold the monopoly on affection. C'mon, Draco, it's not like you wouldn't benefit from a little more romance in our relationship. You know, that last suggestion wasn't half bad…"

Draco caught himself before he thought too much about naked Harry with chocolate strawberries and scoffed.

"Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance. We are much better suited for wild, kinky sex with no strings attached." He reached around and squeezed Harry's bum and winked. Harry slapped away his hand indignantly.

"So that's what you think out relationship is? I'd bet you couldn't last a week without all the romantic things I do for you."

"What romantic things?" Harry glared at him and Draco smirked back. "Besides, it is perfectly respectable to have a relationship entirely based on shagging."

"So, it's a bet then? If I win, I get one night or complete romance every week- that means poetry and flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries - the works."

"And if I win, I get all the animalistic, kinky sex I want." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you get that anyway?"

"Not while you keep making silly bets you're bound to lose anyway! So, deal?" Harry grinned.

"It's a deal."

Draco gave up on dragging Harry to the nearest broom closet and decided the space under the staircase would do just fine for their purposes. He pulled Harry into the dark crevice and pressed him up against the wall.

"now, about that animalistic , kinky sex…" he began to work at the buttons on Harry's uniform shirt while kissing his collarbone, but Harry wriggled our of his grasp and straightened his tie.

"Where are you going?"

Harry looked as though he was going to kiss Draco, but then moved back and patted Draco on the arm.

"Off to go make plans," he said, and with that scurried off down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Harry!" Draco shouted after him, "How am I supposed to extol the virtues of a relationship based entirely on shagging when I'm not getting any!" Two second year girls burst into giggles as they came down the stairs and Draco glared at them, embarrassed.

"What are you giggling at? It's not funny!" Draco shouted, but they only giggled harder. Needless to say, Draco was not amused, and was instead irritated, horny, and more determined than ever to come out on top, one way or another.

..O..

**Author's notes: Okay, I will try really hard to update this story often, but voluminous amounts of praise always helps.. wink wink. I do actually have the last chapter written already, I just need to finish the middle section… Review it, you know you want to!**


	2. Just Desserts

Bleeding Romantics (and the Nymphomaniac Purebloods That Shag Them)

By DramaPhile

Keywords: Harry Draco Romance Humor Valentine's Day

Rated: R for some pretty slashy shagging

Pairings: Harry/Draco,

Summary: "Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance, we are much better suited for wild, kinky sex without any strings attached."

**Chapter 2: Just Desserts**

Draco entered the Great Hall for dinner and scanned the Gryffindor table for his boyfriend. It was Tuesday, which meant they ate with Harry's house for Dinner. They'd written out a schedule at the beginning of their relationship after several heated arguments about where they would eat their meals (and some great make-up shagging), so they alternated days of the week at each House's table. Saturdays, they skipped the Great Hall and ate whatever Dobby smuggled up from the kitchen in Draco's private rooms in the Slytherin Dungeons.

Draco finally spotted Harry, but was dismayed to find him sandwiched between Colin Creevey and Parvati Patil. _Of all the nerve! _Draco thought, as he approached the table, infuriated.

"How come you didn't save me a seat?" Harry looked up from his plate with feigned surprise.

"Oops. I guess I forgot to." Draco was not amused.

"What do you mean you forgot? You always save me a-" Draco bit his tongue. _I will not give up this early in the game,_ he thought bitterly.

"Fine," Draco spat, "I'll sit with Creevey." He scowled venomously at Harry, who smiled back placidly. Draco sat next to the skinny, grinning 6th year and prayed that the little wanker didn't have his camera with him.

Hermione and Ron sat across from him, the tiny charmed cupid now spinning in circles above Hermione's head and dumping handfuls of rose petals into the gravy boat.

Draco plucked a stray petal from his mashed potatoes and dropped it next to his plate.

"Sorry," Ron said, picking petals off his own plate, "It's only a prototype and Fred and George said they're still working on making the charm more permanent.

Draco sighed and took a bite of roast beef, not even bothering to look at Harry, who was happily chatting away with Seamus and Parvati.

It was going to be a long dinner.

Hermione looked from Draco to Harry and back again concernedly.

"What's wrong with you two?" She asked Draco surreptitiously when Harry got up to get dessert, "Did you have a row? Harry's hardly said a word to you all-"

"We're just fine, thank you," Draco ground out. "We just-" He stopped. It was probably best to keep their wager a secret. It was bad enough when he found out the Slytherins had a wager going as to when he and Harry would get caught shagging by Professor Snape. He did make quite a lot of money in the end, and the look on Snape's face was priceless, but four weeks of detention with his head of house was not something he cared to relive anytime soon.

"Harry's just a bit forgetful today, and I'm on edge about that bloody Herbology essay." Hermione's face brightened considerably. If there was one thing she understood well, it was stress about schoolwork.

"What are you writing yours on? I was thinking of writing about the obfuscating properties of Snake Vine, but I also though maybe I could write about the use of sneezewort in mind-healing potions. It's so hard to choose."

_Yes, Draco thought, It's going to be a very long dinner._

Harry returned after a few minutes with a cup of chocolate mousse. Draco looked at the solitary dessert in Harry's hand and then back at Harry.

"Where's mine?"

"Where's your what?" Draco rolled his eyes.

"My dessert."

"Over at the dessert table, I'd imagine," Harry said lightly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But you alw-" Draco stopped and sighed dejectedly. "Fine. I'll get it myself."

He plodded over to the dessert table, but there were no chocolate mousse cups left, only a rather wet looking pudding with some sort of unidentifiable dried fruit in it. He grabbed a cup of coffee instead and poured in more sugar than should be allowed by law. He stopped by the Gryffindor table on his way out, tapping Harry on the shoulder.

"If you want me, I'll be in my rooms, studying." Harry barely glanced up.

"Have fun." Draco didn't see the grin on Harry's face as he trudged out of the Great Hall.

Harry's plan was working brilliantly, and pretty soon, he's have Draco begging to be romanced.

Okay, that's chapter two! Thanks so much to the wonderful reviewers who keep a poor little fanfic writer like myself happy: Lozfairy, Jess, Cynara18 and FlameArchanist. Oh, and jess, I hope this chapter saves my life for a few days… oh, and this story will live up to its' R rating in the next few chapters… speaking of which, I have to do a little censoring…


	3. Kinky Monkey Sex

Bleeding Romantics (and the Nymphomaniac Purebloods That Shag Them)

By DramaPhile

Keywords: Harry Draco Romance Humor Valentine's Day

Rated: R for some pretty slashy shagging

Warning: This chapter contains some Extra Hot R-Rated Boy!Sex. If you are offended by barely legal (age 17) sex, profanity, slash (homosexual sex/love), etc… this is not the story for you. Run, Don't walk. Read some R/Hr hand-holding fic or something…

Pairings: Harry/Draco,

Disclaimer: If _I_ owned Harry and Draco and the whole HP universe, there would be a whole lot more slashy shagging and a little less of that thing they call plot (and I would have a large mansion in Malibu next door to Brad Pitt). Sadly, I do not own Harry, JK Rowling and her minions do, and therefore, I am only borrowing the little guys for a bit 'o' fun (because they deserve a good shag after all the hell she puts them through!)

Summary: "Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance, we are much better suited for wild, kinky sex without any strings attached."

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed Chapter 2. I think I am officially a review addict. Seeing all those lovely notes in my in-box just makes me want to write even faster. I walked around giddy for about half an hour after finding out so many people read and enjoyed this little puppy. So, thanks, guys, for being such fab readers! To Teva the Amazing: I avoided background purposefully, because I wanted to jump right into the plot. Assume that Draco and Harry are in their 7th year and have been together for several months at least and their relationship is very public. And as for the short chapters… I've never had the patience for long stories, and since I like to update often, my chapters will be numerous and short instead of scarce and long. This way, I don't lose interest and you get more frequent updates! Oh, and if you'd like alerts when I post new chapters, put me on your author alerts list and will email you when I post.

**Chapter 3: Kinky Monkey Sex**

Draco waited for Harry after dinner, but hours went by and The-Boy-Who-Lived never showed up.

_This will not do Draco decided. A full day had gone by and he had yet to be on the receiving end of any wild, kinky shagging, and had instead been completely ignored by his boyfriend. He sighed dejectedly and pulled out his secret stash of chocolate frogs, the ones that Harry had gotten him for his birthday. _

A loud groan filtered through the other side of the wall and Draco scowled,

"Everybody's getting some but me," he growled, and threw the nearest throw-pillow at the wall.

"Oh God, Blaise, Yes, Harder!" a low voice moaned, and Draco bit the head off of the wriggling chocolate amphibian in his hand with as much malice as one can have towards a piece of candy.

"Bloody hell, Zabini! Tell your boyfriend to keep it down, you slut! _Some_ people are trying to concentrate in here!!" he threw another pillow at the wall and flopped back on his bed.

Every night, since the end of sixth year, Harry had snuck into the dungeons to sleep in Draco's bed. There were benefits to being a Slytherin prefect, and Draco was not above taking advantage of his private rooms. Draco glanced at the clock. It was midnight already and there was no sign of Harry anywhere. If today's display was any indicator, Draco doubted he would show up at all.

He put on his silk pajamas bottoms and crawled into his cold, empty, Harry-less bed and lapsed into a fitful sort of sleep.

O

Draco awoke before it was light to the sensation of a naked, warm body pressed against his back and something very hard prodding insistently at his thigh.

"Harry?" Draco asked groggily, "What time is it?"

Harry licked the shell of his ear and feathered his fingers across Draco's stomach.

"Three AM," he murmured huskily into Draco's ear. Draco squirmed as Harry teased arousal into his sleep-slowed body.

"Three AM? Bloody hell, Harry! I like the idea of a good morning shag, but can't we wait a few hours? I didn't get to sleep till late because I was waiting for-" Harry thrust against him and slid a hand down Draco's silk pajama pants.

"Nope. I want to fuck you now."

"Merlin, Harry." Draco shuddered as a hot wave of arousal coursed through his body.

"Don't you want this, Draco?" The Slytherin could only groan incoherently.

"Don't you want me to fuck you until you can't remember your name?" Harry punctuated his question be grinding against Draco's arse. By now, Draco's libido was completely refusing to obey his brain, which kept reminding him that sleep was more important than sex. The fact that Harry's hands were now doing things that should be made illegal wasn't helping his stage of mind either.

"Fuuuuck," Draco moaned as Harry cast a lubrication spell.

"Well, that _is_ the idea," Harry purred smugly as Draco groaned again.

"I'm going… to kill you… in the… morning…" Draco panted, stifling another moan.

"If you have the strength by then…" All coherent though was lost as Harry's hands and body worked magic on Draco's heated skin, bringing him to the brink of ecstasy again and again before tossing him over the edge into oblivion.

It was a long moment before Draco could muster the strength to move again. Harry murmured a cleansing charm before lying back, head in the crook of one arm.

"Fuck, Harry," Draco murmured, and turned over so he could rest his head on his boyfriend's chest, but Harry sat up suddenly and began pulling his clothes on.

"Where are you going?" Draco asked, disappointed there would be no cuddling.

"to take a shower and go for a run, I think," Harry said casually, as though staying hadn't even occurred to him.

"Stay." Draco grabbed his arm and pulled him down for a kiss. Harry resisted and pried Draco's hand off his arm.

"No Thanks." Harry stood and pulled on the rest of his robes and then left without so much as a goodbye or a peck on the cheek.

Draco frowned and avowed once again that he would _not_ let Harry win this bet for anything. Then, he lay down in his cold, empty bed that now reeked of sex and fell again into a fitful sleep.

O

By the time Draco awoke that morning, breakfast was nearly over and he was completely exhausted. Cursing at the clock (and his absent boyfriend), he threw on some robes, grabbed his book bag and trudged into the great Hall without so much as even glancing in the mirror.

He didn't even bother looking at the Slytherin Table, because he suspected Harry was no longer abiding by their mealtime schedule, and instead plopped down in an empty spot across from Weasley and Granger. He poured himself a bowl of cornflakes and tried to shake the sleep-deprived haze from his brain. Hermione looked at him quizzically.

"Are you okay, Draco?"

"Just peachy, Granger," he growled. "Whyever do you ask?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Well, for one, you look like something Crookshanks dragged in, not your usual well-groomed self." Draco self-consciously ran a hand through hair, which did nothing for his extreme bed-head.

"And for another, you just poured orange juice into your cornflakes." Ron stifled a laugh with his hand as Draco looked at the bottle of juice in his hand with disgust. He slammed it down and grabbed a piece of cold toast instead and began furiously spreading Nutella onto it.

"If you must know, Granger, I didn't sleep very well last night." He raised his voice loud enough for Harry to hear him from a few seats down.

"Seems SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to wake me at fucking THREE AM demanding-"

"A mind-blowing shag?" Harry finished Draco's sentence with a malicious grin. Draco glared at Harry with all the venom he could muster in his half-conscious state as Ron nearly spit out his juice.

"Merlin, Harry! I'm eating here! Can you please not talk about your sex life with Malfoy at the breakfast table! It's not like I tell you every time Hermione and I-" Ron was silenced by a sharp elbow to the ribs and a death glare from his girlfriend.

"Keep talking like that, Ronald Weasley, and there won't be anything to tell _about_!" Hermione declared acidly, and Ron closed his mouth.

"I do not do well without my beauty sleep." Draco said petulantly to no one in particular as he poured himself a very large cup of coffee and dumped half the sugar bowl into it.

"oh, for heaven's sake!" Hermione said as she took out her wand. "_Pilius Ornatrix_". Draco's hair, plagues with an unfortunate case of bed-head, styled itself into his usual smooth coiffe.

"Your hair was starting to look as bad as Harry's, and Merlin knows we only need one of those around here."

"Thanks." Draco mumbled, and reached for the coffee pot again, having already drained his first cup. Today, he would need all the help he could get staying awake.

O

**End-notes:If you are of age in your country/state/providence,email me at the address in my author profile and I will send you a link to the NC-17 version of this chapter. (I would link toit here, but seems to have issues with me posting urls in stories... grr... ****The spell Hermione uses to fix Draco's Hair comes from the Latin words _Pilo,_ meaning Hair, and _Ornatrix, _meaning Hairdresser. **

**Next chapter: Potions, Detention, and Broom-Closet Groping **


	4. Broomclosets Are for Groping

**Bleeding Romantics (and the Nymphomaniac Purebloods That Shag Them)**

**By DramaPhile**

**Keywords: Harry Draco Romance Humor Valentine's Day**

**Rated: R for some pretty slashy shagging, the NC-17 version of this chapter can be found at the website listed in my Author profile.**

**Pairings: Harry/Draco,**

**Disclaimer: If _I_ owned Harry and Draco and the whole HP universe, there would be a whole lot more slashy shagging and a little less of that thing they call plot (and I would have a large mansion in Malibu next door to Brad Pitt). Sadly, I do not own Harry, JK Rowling and her minions do, and therefore, I am only borrowing the little guys for a bit 'o' fun (because they deserve a good shag after all the hell she puts them through!)**

**Summary: "Please, Harry, Malfoys don't do romance, we are much better suited for wild, kinky sex without any strings attached."**

**A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! You all are the reason I keep writing, and I relish the idea that you are getting some enjoyment out of what comes out of my twisted little head. Thanks for the hug, lozfairy, hugs back, oh Hell, hugs everyone! **

Sorry to those who feel pity for poor ickle Draco, he's going to be tortured for quite some time… He _is_ a stubborn little bugger, and refuses to admit he was wrong! And as for Harry's "Asshole-ness," I see it as him giving Draco a bit of his own medicine, treating Draco how he gets treated some of the time, but he really is a romantic at heart, and I'm sure all this is killing him (but I know he thinks winning will be worth it!).

This chapter is dedicated to my beloved Mehoo (aka Niki), for being a wonderful best friend, and finally reading the electronic versions of my stories (instead of the paper copies). We can share the crown, babe.

**Bleeding Romantics and the Nymphomaniacs Who Shag Them**

**Chapter 4**

_**That's What Broom Closets are For**_

Draco slept through most of Divination, an act that Professor Trelawney mused in her usual myopic way was due to "The aura-weakening property of being romantically linked to one doomed to die and horrific early death."

Draco mused silently in his own sarcastic way that it obviously has nothing to do with losing sleep because one was being shagged within an inch of one's life by said fatally doomed individual.

The rest of the day proceeded strangely, with Harry completely ignoring him save for ambushing him in the corridor between classes and performing illicit acts on him. Draco was forced to miss lunch when Harry tied him up in the room of requirement and had his way with him, over and over again. If Harry was trying to create the conditions of a relationship based entirely on shagging, he was doing a fantastic job of it.

Draco was generally enjoying the overabundance of action he was getting not that he was a bit more awake, but when Harry dragged him into a broom closet before Potions class, he had to put his foot down. Harry had slammed him up against the wall and was making quick work of Draco's trouser buttons, all the while licking and sucking at his pale stomach.

"Harry, Geroff!" His boyfriend did not respond, but instead pushed Draco's trousers to his ankles and hooked his fingers inside the waistband of his boxers. Draco stifled a moan as his rebellious bulge responded and gathered up the resolve to shove Harry away from him.

"STOP IT!" Harry looked up innocently.

"What?" Draco pulled up his trousers and re-did the buttons.

"Harry, we cannot be late for potions! We're in that class together and if Snape sees us walk in together, all disheveled, looking for all the world like we just had a quickie in the broom closet. We'll get detention for the next four years!"

"But Draco," Harry said coyly, "We've only got four more months till graduation." He ran a hand down Draco's chest as he spoke, ending with his palm resting on the bulge in the front of Draco's trousers. Draco gritted his teeth and swatted the hand away.

"Merlin's balls, Harry! Don't you remember what happened when Snape caught us last time?"

"Mmm, let's try that again sometime, shall we? That was way too much fun." Draco scowled at him.

"Am I the only one who remembers four weeks of scrubbing bathroom grout with Filch?" Apparently he was, because Harry had begun licking Draco's jaw and ear quite enthusiastically. Draco pushed him away so hard that Harry stumbled back and knocked over a rack of mops. Seeing the opening, Draco made a run for it and managed to slide into his seat just as Snape rose from his desk and began lecturing on Dragon tranquilizing Potions.

Harry strolled in a few minutes later, tie still skew, with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Snape turned his pointed gaze to Harry and slammed down the flask he was holding onto the nearest desk.

"Mr. Potter." he sneered, "I'm sure the class would _love_ to hear your pitiful explanation for arriving late to my class yet _again_."

Harry slowly turned his head and winked at Draco, then looked back to Snape.

"I was… detained…" Several of their classmates snickered. Draco watched his head of house's eyes narrow as he looked at them.

"Twenty-five points from Gryffindor and Slytherin, and detention tonight for you _and_ Mr. Malfoy." Draco couldn't believe it- he was getting punished for being good for once!

"But Professor-" He stood up to defend himself.

"_Sit Down Mr. Malfoy!"_ Snape barked, "I am sick and tired of your antics with Potter, and I have no doubt that the blame for Potter's tardiness does not only rest on his shoulders. If you are going to continue to _associate_ yourself with this troublemaker, then you will need to control your _urges_ so thet do not disrupt my class!"

Draco closed his mouth and sat down. If it was any other professor, he would have argued until he was blue in the face, but he knew he could not win against Snape. It would only result in the loss of more house points - and after losing 100 points for getting caught shagging on Snape's desk, Draco doubted his housemates would forgive him for losing even more because of Harry.

Harry sat down next to Draco, grinning, as his boyfriend scowled and searched his bag for a quill. Draco ruffled through the contents of his book bag, but found no quill. He must have dropped it in his mad dash to get to class on time. No bother, Harry always had an extra, as Draco broke his quills quite frequently.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have an extra quill? I seem to have lost mine." Harry looked up and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, I lent my extra to Neville."

"Longbottom? But I'm your boyfriend! And you always have an extra!" Harry shrugged.

"Sorry. Why don't you ask Hermione or Ron?"

"Please, like the Weasel could afford an extra. Never mind, Potter, I'll find one."

Draco turned to the table next to his.

"Crabbe," he barked .

"Yeah Draco?" The hulking boy turned to look at him.

"Give me your quill."

"But I've only got one."

"Please," Draco sneered, "Like you were going to use it anyway."

Crabbe looked at his parchment, covered with doodles of Snape wearing various items of women's clothing, shrugged and handed over his quill.

Draco began furiously scribbling down the ingredients to today's potion. He couldn't understand how that thick-skulled boy got into NEWT-level potions. Or Harry for that matter. Although he had been doing better ever since Draco stopped sabotaging his in-class projects. That sort of a thing tends to put a damper on one's sex life, you know.

Snape finished writing the formula on the board and the students dispersed to collect ingredients. Harry went off to the cupboard to collect the manticore blood, aardvark bile and tincture of mallow root. Draco's chopping of the spearmint leaves and stems was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Blaise Zabini standing next to his desk, smirking for all he was worth.

"I'd apologize for my… activities last night," Blaise glanced at Terry, who met his eyes and flushed, "but it seems you were up to your own… exercise early this morning." Draco felt a flush creeping up his neck. Harry must have neglected the silencing spell, and in his own state of half-conscious delirium, he was hardly coherent enough to realize he had neighbors, let alone cast a spell. The whole dungeon must have heard Draco's cries of ecstasy.

"Well, Blaise," Draco said as casually as he could, leaning his chair back, "I can't help it if my boyfriend can't get enough of me."

"Sure, Malfoy. That must be why he's all over that muggle-born Hufflepuff right now." Draco followed the other Slytherin's eyes to find Harry standing by the ingredient cabinet, whispering in Justin Finch-Fletchley's ear, the Hufflepuff's hand resting on Harry's arm. Draco felt a surge of jealousy in his chest.

"Trouble in paradise?" Blaise grinned smugly, and Draco glared daggers at him as he stood up and walked over the where Harry was standing, fuming.

"Harry? Can I have a word with you?" before Harry could answer, Draco grabbed his arm and harshly pulled him into a unoccupied corner of the room.

"Yes, Draco?"

"I know this is a game, and obviously you're doing whatever you want, but I just wanted to let you know that-" He stopped. Harry was playing dirty, but he was _not_ going to lost this, no matter what. Harry smirked, victory dancing in his eyes.

"You were saying, Draco?"

"I just wanted to let you know that there is no way I am going to lose this bet, and your pathetic attempts are having no effect on me." Draco hoped he sounded convincing, because he still needed to convince himself.

"Good to know." Harry turned back towards the cupboard, but Draco spun him around again, holding his arm tightly.

"And keep your hands off the Hufflepuffs," he seethed. Harry raised an eyebrow

" People will start to doubt your fidelity, and I will _not_ have people thinking I can't keep a reign on you" Draco tried to sound commanding and not desperate or jealous. He didn't like the idea of Harry flirting with Hufflepuffs. Or Ravenclaws. Or Gryffindors. Or Slytherins, except for himself. Harry was only allowed to flirt with _him_.

Draco returned to his seat and resumed chopping the ingredients in a rather murderous manner, half wishing that the green leaves and stems were the bloodied remains of Finch-Fletchley's fingers. Harry sat in the seat to the right of him and carefully measured the liquid ingredients into the bubbling cauldron. Draco dropped the now decimated sprigs of mint in as well and checked his notes against the formula written in the front of the class.

A warm hand nudged his outer thigh and he looked over at Harry, who was nonchalantly writing on his parchment with his other hand, seeming deceptively oblivious. The hand crept over his thigh slowly, burning through the thin material of his trousers. Draco started to feel a bit warm, and loosened his green and grey tie. Their encounter in the broom closet had left him rather unsatisfied, and his arousal was returning with a vengeance. Harry's hand continues its path of small, scorching, teasing movements and Draco squirmed under his touch, half wanting him to stop, half wishing he'd just touch him already. The movement stopped for an instant, an inch away from his goal, and then fingers reached out and brushed their tips against _there_ and Draco gasped sharply, then coughed loudly to cover his response.

Crabbe turned from his potion and pounded Draco on his back with a meaty hand.

"You okay, Draco?" Draco coughed again from the force of Crabbe's "help." A corner of Harry's mouth turned up, nearly betraying him. Draco stifled a moan as Harry's hand enclosed around him, heat radiating through his trousers.

"Yeah, Crabbe," he choke out, "Just accidentally, uh, breathed in some fumes." Draco hated how easily Harry could make him lose his usually carefully kept composure.

"Oh, okay. Be careful then." Crabbe game him another firm thump and turned back to his cauldron, which was now exuding purple smoke and sparking.

Harry's hand unbuttoned Draco's trousers deftly.

"Ha-rry?" Draco squeaked out, his voice cracking as it hadn't done since third year.

"Hm?" Harry said absent-mindedly as he stirred the cauldron carefully in a clockwise direction.

"_Please_, " Draco ground out softly as Harry's hand slowly pulled down the zip. But please what? _ Please don't please stop please hurry please touch me please Harry please have mercy on my unworthy soul. _ Draco jumped and bumped his knee against the table as Harry slipped his fingers into his boxers, skin finally touching bare skin, and the desk rattled. The potion sloshed a bit in the cauldron, but did not spill. Harry stilled the table with his free hand and looked at Draco for the first time since he had sat down.

"You all right, Draco?" Harry said lightly, with a twinkle in his eye.

Draco bit his knuckle to contain his moan as Harry's fingers skated across his skin teasingly, and Draco's hips moved of their own accord, seeking more sensation. Draco looked around the room, hoping no one was watching, and thankful they sat toward the back of the classroom.

The hand continued its torturous journey, sending hot sparks with no where to go but to build up, and -oh, finally, _so good_, Draco steeled his hips not to thrust, to move faster, harder, and there was no more classroom, no bubbling cauldrons, no Professor Snape eyeing him suspiciously, only Harry's hot tight hand moving, teeth gripping his knuckle, hanging on for dear life, eyes rolling in the back of his head, nearly drawing blood, hips jerking, _Oh Gods, _then opening his eyes to see Harry's smirking at him.

Harry murmured a cleansing spell, and carefully tucked him back in and zipped Draco's trousers up. Draco started at the wall for a moment, thoughts lost, eyes glazed over, panting from the exertion, finally taking his knuckle from between his teeth, red marks imbedded in the flesh.

"Mr. Malfoy." Draco's head jerked up at the sound of his professor's voice calling his name.

"Hm?" was all he could seem to say, his brain not yet able to form words. Snape glared at him.

"Ten points from Slytherin for not paying attention," his head-of-house sneered, and Draco looked around hurriedly at his housemates, who were now glaring at him. Harry stirred the potion counterclockwise now, oblivious to Draco's irritation.

"I hate you, Harry Potter," he hissed, and Harry only smiled. Victory, it seemed, was _at hand_.

A/N: Wow there are a lot of notes for this Chapter!! I think Microsoft Word needs its' own Harry Potter spell-check expansion pack or something, because there are so many damn words I've had to add into my dictionary since I started writing HP fic. Like _Draco_ and _Muggle_ and _Slytherin_ and _Avada Kedavra _and _Voldemort_… The list goes on… In the next chapter, Harry makes an indecent proposal and Draco ends up in a Broomcloset with Hermione…


	5. Three's a Crowd

**Bleeding Romantics (and the Nymphomaniac Purebloods That Shag Them)**

**By DramaPhile**

**Keywords: **Harry Draco Romance Humor Valentine's Day

**Rated: **R for hot kinky slashy boysex. If this squicks you, go read some Ron/Hermione handholding fic. A more explicit version of this chapter can be found in my Livejournal, which is listed as my homepage in my author profile, or just put in my username, Dramaphile

**Warnings: **Slash, Bondage, Sexual Situations

**Pairings: **Harry/Draco,

**Disclaimer: **If _I_ owned Harry and Draco and the whole HP universe, there would be a whole lot more slashy shagging and a little less of that thing they call plot (and I would have a large mansion in Malibu next door to Brad Pitt). Sadly, I do not own Harry or any of his friends, JK Rowling and her minions do, and therefore, I am only borrowing the little guys for a bit 'o' fun (because they deserve a good shag after all the hell she puts them through!)

**Summary: **Harry makes an indecent proposal and Draco ends up in a closet with Hermione.

**A/N: **I really don't think I can thank you guys enough for all the wonderful reviews you leave me! It's so nice to know someone appreciates my writing, and I appreciate all of you! Sorry this chapter took so long, It just didn't seem to want to be written, and took quite a while to actually get down on paper. Then, my computer died and I thought I lost all my data and was very sad and then the amazing Tech dudes at my university saved all my data (and thus are my heroes). Anyway, I finally got my computer up and working so I could finally finish this sucker, but then I took a spring break trip to Denmark, and thus, now that I am finally back, I have posted.

To my dear, dear beta, T.O.S., you rock my socks like whoa! I'm so glad I found you!

Hopefully Chapter 6 will not take quite so long, as it is already buzzing around in my head, waiting to be let out.

**Bleeding Romantics and the Nymphomaniacs Who Shag Them**

**Chapter 5**

_**Three's a Crowd**_

By the end of Wednesday, Draco was exhausted. Between the sleep deprivation, being completely ignored, and Harry's constant debaucherous ambushes, he was physically and emotionally drained, practically ready to raise his white flag in surrender.

Draco wearily trudged down the corridor after a long dinner which he spent fending off Hermione's constant prodding and trying to get Harry's attention and headed down toward his rooms. The portrait that guarded his door, a willowy damsel captured by a dragon, stopped her struggling for a moment to appraise his weary appearance.

"Rough day, love?" she asked as Draco sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"You could say that. _House Elf Porn_." He had let Harry choose the password last time he changed it, a mistake he wouldn't make twice.

"Get some sleep, love, you look exhausted."

"Ten points to Gryffindor for stating the obvious," Draco drawled as he rolled his eyes. The damsel didn't seem to notice.

"Is your knight coming tonight? I missed him last night, but he was so sweet to come to you this morning." She smiled placidly, and Draco frowned. He didn't need a repeat of this morning's three a.m. booty call.

"He won't be coming tonight. Actually- I'm changing the password. The new password is going to be _Draco Dormiens_." Sleeping Dragon - Draco gave himself a mental pat on the back for being so witty in the face of exhaustion.

"Don't let Harry Potter in tonight, _no matter what._" The damsel waved away a puff of smoke from the dragon's nostrils and frowned.

"Did you have a spat with your love? Just remember, true love can overcome any obstacle."

Draco rolled his eyes. "No, we didn't have a spat, and he's not my-" he sighed. There was no point explaining his relationship to a love-addled two-dimensional piece of artwork.

"Just don't let him in. Good night." The portrait swung open and Draco entered his rooms and flopped unceremoniously on his plush bed. Harry was doing way too well at this game, better than Draco had expected. Yet, Draco couldn't just give in. He _had_ to come up with a way to beat Harry at his own game, but he was _so_ tired. No matter how hard he tried to think of a cunning plan, the only thing he could think of was just how heavy his eyelids were and just how soft his bed was and maybe if he just took a tiny nap…

O

He slept deeply and dreamt of kissing Harry languorously, of soft touches and whispered words on a green hillside with the sweet green smell of grass in his nose and the breeze ruffling his hair and a golden butterfly tickling the bottom of his foot. He tried to kick it away, but he could not. He faded into lucidity and tried to scratch the itch against his bedpost, but found he couldn't move his foot at all. Then he moved to reach down and realized his hands were stuck as well.

_Oh Merlin,_ he thought frantically as he snapped back into consciousness, _I'm paralyzed! I've been poisoned! I'm dying! Voldemort has captured me and made me his kinky sex slave!_ He thrashed his body, trying to regain the use of his limbs.

"Good Morning," a sing-songy voice that was far too cheerful for this early in the morning cooed from the foot of the bed. Draco's eyes snapped open. Voldemort might have almost been better than…

"_You,"_ he seethed as he beheld Harry standing at the end of his bed, grinning deviously.

"Sleep well, sunshine?" Harry ran a finger along the arch of Draco's foot, and Draco tried to squirm away, but found himself held fast by soft red ropes binding his hands and feet to the bedposts. Completely vulnerable to whatever Harry wished to do to him, with him, Draco felt a sudden rush of fear and arousal course through his skin.

Draco cursed sharply and vowed revenge on that stupid love-blind damsel. _Oh yes, there will be mustaches and devil horns in the two-dimensional meddler's future_, he though maniacally.

Harry ran a finger up the line of Draco's calf teasingly. Draco shivered and realized he was completely naked and Harry was still completely clothed. Harry bent down and slowly licked the inside edge of his knee cap, and Draco felt all of his remaining blood pool in his groin. Harry continued his slow, teasing pathway up Draco's leg, licking, sucking, touching everywhere and getting ever closer to the place Draco wanted so desperately for him to touch.

"Fuck, Potter," Draco hissed, squirming, seeking more contact, but Harry pulled back, stopping all contact completely. Draco's skin ached from the loss of Harry's tantalizing touch.

"You don't move unless I tell you to." It was a command, and Draco suppressed a moan and stilled his movements, his cock already achingly hard. This was a side of Harry he'd not seem before: demanding, forceful, dominant. This was a side of Harry that scared him and made him dizzy with the need to be shagged senseless.

Harry kneeled on the bed, careful not to touch any part of Draco's body, and leaned in close, breath ghosting over Draco's flushed cheek.

"You will come only when I tell you to, only on my command. _If _I let you come at all." Draco's hips bucked up involuntarily, seeking something- anything, but finding only air.

Harry caught Draco's earlobe between his teeth, nibbling and licking teasingly, barely grazing that spot behind his ear that made Draco curse and swallow Harry's name in a moan. He licked and nipped his way down Draco's jaw and Draco turned his head to kiss him, but Harry pulled back sharply.

"Please, _Kiss me_ _Harry_, I need-" Harry pinched one of his nipples, hard, and Draco arched off the bed at the pleasure and pain of it, straining against his bonds.

"No."

Draco bit his lip as Harry lowered his head and captured one pink nipple in his mouth, first laving it with the flat of his tongue, then suckling it, then rolling it between his teeth. The sensations kept building in his groin, and Draco though this might be over before Harry ever touched him.

Draco bucked up against Harry, aching for _something_ to rub against.

"Stop." Harry pushed Draco's hips down into the mattress so hard that Draco was sure he'd have finger-shaped marks the next day. Harry's voice, quiet but commanding, only made him even more aroused. Draco bit down on his lip at the agony and the ecstasy of it. He stilled his hips, and Harry went back to touching his body, fingers plucking a chorus of moans from his heated skin.

Draco simultaneously loved and despised the fact that just the touch of Harry's mouth and hands could turn him into a blithering puddle of goo. It was not dignified for a Malfoy to be reduced to an amorphous mass, but Draco didn't have enough mental faculties to be outraged right now. His back arched like a bow as Harry's tongue painted a hot, damp line around his navel, then dipped into it, thrusting in lightly.

"Oh God, Harry" he finally whined, his shaft aching and straining toward his belly, "_Please._" Harry sucked at the indentation in the cradle of his hip, drawing out a small purple mark, then looked up at Draco, mouth inches away from _there._

"Please _What_?"

"Please- Please _touch me!_" Draco groaned as Harry moved closer so that the blonde could feel every hot breath.

"Where?"

"My- My-" he stuttered, quaking with desire, "_Please._"

"Tell me what you want, Draco."

Draco told him exactly what he wanted until his speech degenerated into a blabbled stream of _yes_ and _there_ and _oh God_ and _Harry _and_ please_ and then he was crying out from the exquisite torture of it all, completely and utterly _taken_.

O

Harry pulled away as a thoroughly sated Draco melted into the mattress. He cast a cleaning charm and Draco shivered as a film of bubbles swept across his belly then disappeared.

"Kinky enough for you, Draco?" Harry said with a smirk as he stood and pulled on his robes and grabbed his invisibility cloak.

Draco grinned sleepily. "That was…" The smug Gryffindor headed towards the door and Draco realized he was still bound and naked.

"Hey! You forgot to untie me!"

Harry turned back and grinned evilly. "No, I didn't."

Draco made a noise of frustration as he struggled against his bonds. After a moment of futile thrashing, he stopped, resigned.

"Can't you at least let me put on some pants?" In what appeared to be a moment of weakness, Harry grabbed Draco**'**s boxers from the floor and slipped them up onto his hips. Harry looked at him for a moment, head cocked, and then Draco watched as Harry's lips curled into a devious smile and he pulled out his wand.

"What are you-" Draco felt the boxers tighten as Harry cast a spell and he debated whether to even look down. Harry smirked, disappeared under his cloak, and slipped out the door before Draco could protest again.

Draco looked down at the undergarments Harry had transfigured and groaned. Very skimpy animal-print bikinis graced his slim hips.

"_Why me_?" Draco sighed. As much as he wanted to be spared the indignity of being seen by his housemates in this condition, he had to get to class soon And he had to use the loo.

"Crabbe! Goyle!"

O

Draco's hulking minions stopped laughing long enough to summon the rest of the Slytherin seventh-years, drowning out Draco's vehement protests and pleadings to untie him. By the time they picked themselves up off the floor stopped laughing and finished taking photos Draco had missed breakfast and had to go straight to Herbology.

Just his luck, they were studying Carnivorous Tiger Lilies, and every time Professor Sprout mentioned the word "Tiger," the Slytherins all dissolved into giggles.

Draco rolled his eyes and focused on keeping his fingers from becoming lunch for his peckish flower.

"Attention, Class," Professor Sprout announced, when the flowers had all been potted, "Now we will tie up the Tiger lilies to prevent them from lashing out against unsuspecting bystanders." Draco buried his head in his hands as the snickers erupted once more, interlaced with phrases like "Tie up the tiger!" and "They're not the only tigers getting tied up!" Draco's Carnivorous Tiger Lily caught hold of the side of his hand and bit down hard.

"Why me?" Draco sulked to no one in particular, as he wrestled away the man-eating flower and attempted to staunch the blood flow.

O

After a quick trip to get healed by Madam Pomfrey, Draco was late for his second class of the day: Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Gryffindors. Draco sat on the other side of the room from Harry, refusing to even look at him.

"Hey _Drake_," Pansy said from behind him, and Draco winced at the horrid nickname, "Is Potter upset with you for being such an _animal_?" She and Millicent Bulstrode broke into malicious giggles and Draco pulled out a piece of parchment, seething.

_Ways To Get Back At Potter_, he wrote furiously.

_1. Castration._

Draco crossed that out. As effective as that would be, Harry's equipment was rather near and dear to his, uh, heart.

_2. Murder his family._

No, You-Know-Who had cornered the market on that particular form of revenge against Harry, and besides, Draco doubted Harry would miss his muggle relatives much if they had an "accident."

_3. Tell Dumbledore._

He almost laughed at that one. He could see it now: "Professor Dumbledore, Harry's been shagging me half to death!" "Ah, I've known about it all along. Good Luck, Mr. Malfoy! Sherbet Lemon?"

He wasn't getting very far with this plan of his. Perhaps, he mused, the combination of sleep-deprivation and the overabundance of sex was fogging up his capacity to come up with Cunning Plans.

"Six inches due on Friday on the use of shielding spells in Wizarding Duels," Professor Harmon announced at the end of her lecture. "Class Dismissed." Draco yawned and stuffed his parchment and quill back into his book bag. Harry stalked over as the last of the other students filed out of the classroom and slid next to him on the bench.

"I missed you at breakfast," he said, wearing the smirk he'd been wearing since this whole bet began. Draco grabbed his bag and rose without acknowledging him, but Harry pulled him back down.

"So, I was talking with JFF and-"

"JFF?" Draco said quizzically.

"Justin Finch-Fletchley," Harry said, and Draco glared daggers at him.

"I thought I told you to stay away from the Hufflepuffs."

Harry ignored him and continued. "Anyway, I was talking to Justin and I asked him if he's like to join our fun and he said- "

"Join our fun? Like a threesome?"

Harry waggled his eyebrows and leaned closer. "Well, yeah. Just think of it, me shagging you while Justin-"

"WHAT? No!" Draco pulled away from him in fury. "How could you even think of- That's just- oh God, a Hufflepuff? That's- that's- that's-" Draco shut his mouth. Stuttering in rage was not the sort of thing Malfoys did. They were much more prone to random acts of violence.

"Would you prefer someone else? I hear Professor Snape might be-"

"WHAT? AUGH! What is wrong with you? Snape's like my uncle! Ugh, I can't even think about it!" Draco had the urge to claw his own brain out for the appalling mental image he just got.

"A foursome with Blaise and Terry then?"

"AUGH!" Infuriated, Draco stood up and headed for the door.

"You're mine and mine alone, Harry. Malfoys _don't _share!"

O

Draco stormed blindly down the hallway, furious at Harry for even suggesting it, but even more furious that he knew he was bound to lose this bet. He _did_ miss Harry's stupid, corny romantic side.

Something grabbed his arm and pulled him into a dark closet.

"Merlin's left arsecheek, Harry! I'm not exactly in the mood right now!" He heard a feminine voice say, _Lumos _and turned to find himself face to face with Hermione Granger.

"Don't tell me," he drawled acidly, "Harry offered you a threesome as well. Or is it a foursome with the Weasel?"

"What? No! I just-" Hermione stuttered, obviously flustered.

"Go on, Granger. I haven't got all day to listen to you sputter." Draco's patience, usually thin, had been stretched to the limit with the events of the past few days.

"I know you said yesterday you were tired and stressed, but something is just not right between Harry and you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said dryly.

"I'm not kidding, Draco! Harry's been ignoring you, you seem always mad at him -" Her eyes narrowed. "Did you cheat on him?"

"WHAT?" Hell hath no fury like a Malfoy scorned. "_Me_? Cheat on _him_? What makes you think _I'm _at fault? Typical Gryffindor, siding with your golden boy when I'm the one getting ignored and abused. _I'm_ the victim here!" Hermione brought a hand to her mouth, eyes wide.

"Oh God. Did Harry cheat on you?"

"No! Well, I mean he did suggest- but no, he wouldn't do that."

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "Then why are you fighting?"

Draco looked down at his feet.

"Czwehatabed" He mumbled unintelligibly.

"What did you just say?"

"Because. We. Had. A. Bet."

"A bet?" Hermione raised an eyebrow, "What sort of bet makes two people treat each other like that?"

Draco sighed. "I told him that there was nothing wrong with a relationship based entirely on shagging and he's set on proving me wrong. So now, all we do is shag. _All the time_. And the rest of the time, he ignores me. He won't even kiss me."

Hermione smirked. "How very 'Pretty Woman' of him."

"What? I may be pretty, but I'm no woman! And neither is Harry- unless you count that one time when we-"

"Don't tell me, please. I prefer to be ignorant of the more… Sordid details of your relationship. Sorry, it's a muggle movie about a prostitute." Draco slumped down on a large tub of Gunther's Grandiloquent Grime-Be-Gone.

"You know, Draco, you could just give up. It's obvious you're not having any fun like this."

"Malfoys don't lose bets. It's unheard of."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well Malfoys also don't fall in love with Harry Potter."

"You too with this _love _business? Have you and that daft portrait been having secret meetings? It's a conspiracy, I swear! I don't- I mean, I don't think I- I mean I-" He raked a hand through his hair, "Even if I _did_, which I don't, Harry doesn't love me. We have a relationship, we shag, we terrorize Snape, but he wouldn't- He's not stupid enough to fall in love with me."

Hermione smiled warmly. "I think he's exactly that stupid. Harry's one of the most romantic people I know, and he's not the type to enter into a relationship and stay in it so long, and fight for it so hard if he's not in love. That boy's fallen hard for you, and that's why he's so determined to prove to you that your relationship's not just based on shagging. This bet is probably killing him."

"But- Why didn't he ever _say_ anything?"

"Did it ever occur to you that he's probably just scared you won't say it back?" Draco stared at her in amazement. Harry loved him? They'd never said the words to each other, and Draco hadn't dared to imagine that Harry might love him, much less thought about loving him back.

"This bet is killing me too," he said finally, "But I can't let him win just yet. I have to turn the tables on him, get in a few jabs of my own before this is over. Malfoys don't surrender without a fight. Or at least a good bribe." Hermione's smile turned into that look she got when the wheels in her head were turning extra fast. Her eyes met his, glinting with something vaguely devious.

"So kill him with kindness," she said slowly.

_Yes,_ Draco thought with a grin_, That might just do the trick._

O

**A/N: **Draco's password, _Draco Dormiens,_ was inspired by the Hogwarts motto: _Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandos_ - Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon. (Sound advice, if you ask me!)

Is it really sad that I'm such a review addict that I check back every few hours after I've posted a new chapter to see if there are new reviews? Send me love (or comments or criticisms or proposals etc…) and I might just post the next chapter a bit faster. It's a bit like being a junkie- the more crack one consumes, the more one wants to get more crack… heh.

**Next chapter: **Draco has a little fun of his own with Harry.


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